


ashes, ashes

by sootandstars



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-22 03:52:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/908577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sootandstars/pseuds/sootandstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(they all fall down)</p>
            </blockquote>





	ashes, ashes

Kissing Lilly Kane is a little bit like living.

\--

You think about Duncan, but not, like, in  _that_ way. You kinda worry about him but _he_ dumped _you_ which makes it  _so_ not your problem if he's moping around while his sister's tongue is in your mouth. 

You worry he's going to find out, because Lilly doesn't give a fuck. Doors are left open and she's  _loud_ and you have these barely concealed marks on your neck, but it's not like he looks at you much anymore, and if maybe the look on his face would make up for a little bit of what a dick he's been, it's an added bonus.

 You never dreamt of a day when you'd find Lilly the more dependable of the two, but here you are and no matter what anyone says about Lilly, she's never left you. 

She doesn't kiss like Duncan did. Not that you expected her to. But you don't think that kissing just any girl would be like this. She's sharper and thinner, you can feel her laughing against your mouth. She tastes like lip gloss, too. You wonder if that was what you were like, to Duncan. You wonder if Duncan had anything to compare you to. Lilly's hand tangles in your hair and you wonder why you're still on the topic of Duncan, anyway.

\--

You can't breathe. Lilly's  _dead_ and you can't. Breathe. Or think or function because Lilly's dead and she's not going to laugh with you or give you fashion advice or throw parties or bother Celeste or kiss you or fix her hair or smile  _ever again_ and it doesn't make sense. You can't imagine a world without Lilly. You can't even  _imagine_ a world without Lilly Kane so this is more wrong than you can take. 

You can still taste her lip gloss. 

Every time you close your eyes you hear her voice and her laughter and feel her hands and her tongue and 

and this is entirely too much to handle and Duncan won't talk to you and your mother's  ~~always~~  drunk and there's a funeral you know she would have hated, and you trust your father but no one else does (and in the back of your head you maybe think he's wrong but you need to be able to trust someone and your father's the only solid one left.)

Everyone hates you and your mother's gone and Lilly's not coming back, ever, she's _dead_ and you have  _no one_ and you don't know what to do so you power through.  ~~you hear her laughing and she holds your hand when you cry and~~ Lilly's not there anymore and she  ~~probably~~ would have wanted you to live without her.

So you try (but you can't breathe.)

\--

There's no noise, but the words on your car are screaming at you.

_ABEL IT SHOULD'VE BEEN HER IT SHOULD'VE BEEN HER YOU SHOULD'VE KILLED HER PLEASE-_

__  
"They're right," you say. You ~~don't~~ feel Lilly reach out to slap you. She  ~~doesn't~~ walk you home. You  ~~never~~ hear her voice again. ~~  
~~


End file.
